Snooki Is Pregnant (With Like A Growing Fetus)

When I first got wind of the Snooki’s pregnant rumors, I couldn’t believe it. But now our pickle, penis sucking friend has reveled to US Weekly, that she is indeed preggers. It’s a good thing that her boyfriend, proposed to her too. She didn’t need anything else going against her. I can only imagine how she’s going to squeeze a baby through her lack-luster va-jay when she could barely stand Vinnie’s stick.

Snooki stands proudly on the cover of this gossip rag boasting in her baby’s glory. She looks as though she’s having vodka withdrawals and puke on her tongue. Most pregnant women glow, but the spray tan makes her looks a bit greasy.  That dress and accessories aren’t working in her favor.

Anywho Snooki reveals she got wasted during the first month of her pregnancy. This is horrible, but she has no shame. I hope this baby comes out normal. Snooki and her baby daddy share only a few brain cells, I don’t know how they are going to raise an actual fetus, baby, alien, or whatever you would like to call it. Ok, I’m wrong for that, let’s just wish these remedial people well.

Here’s an excerpt from Snooki’s piece:

The once pouf-haired star and LaValle discovered the news “right after New Year’s,” she said. Snooki’s first thought? “‘Shit, I’ve been drinking!’ I was worried. It was New Year’s Eve and we were in Vegas, so I did go crazy.” she admits.

“I have different priorities now,” reformed party girl Snooki says. “I don’t care what anybody else thinks. As long as I know I’m ready and he’s ready.”
Adds Jionni LaValle: “We are not going to screw this up.”

It wouldn’t surprise me if this is Mike’s, Vinnie’s or any other man with a friendly penis, baby.